17 days..

Well, it's been 17 days of taking Chantix now.  I haven't had a cigarette now for 2 full days.

I did the math..  20 cigarettes /day for 20 years..  = 20x365x20 = 146,000 cigarettes.

So I've probably smoked 150,000 cigarettes in my lifetime and I'd have to say that is enough.  I've gotten everything I'm going to get out of cigarettes.  Then to think of the cost..  Today a pack costs about $7.00, that's .35 per cigarette.

I've spend $51,000 on cigarettes.  For what?  what did I get out of the deal?
I'm really done with this habit.

So like I said, I haven't smoked for about 48 hours.  I don't feel like I want a cig, but I do feel very antsy and impatient.  BUT I WILL NOT SMOKE!!

I want to stop thinking about smoking, I want to wakeup, shower, get ready, eat breakfast all without the thought of a cigarette crossing my mind.  It will come in time..  I look forward to that day.

A guy I work with stood 5 feet from me today, and I was amazed at how string he smelled of cigarettes.  He stood behind me looking at me computer screen and I was totally overwhelmed by the smell.  Did I smell THAT BAD???

For whatever reason I wasn't the smelliest smoker.  Some smokers smell like an ashtray, others not so bad.  But wither way, it really stinks..

Now I really want to get the smell out of my truck.  I've smoked in it (with a window cracked, and never using the ashtray) for 8 years now.  Maybe the smell will never come out, we'll see, but I don't like it anymore.

The Chantix is definitely helping, still need to eat something before taking it, and I still have really weird dreams..  I CAN DO THIS!!  At this point I really don't have any desire to smoke.  I don't want to spend the money, I don't want to smell bad, I just don't want to.

I've noticed my teeth are whiter too, just after a few days, they are definitely whiter..
More later..

10 days in..

So, I'm a smoker of 20 years.  I've tried to quit a few times, taken Chantix before, even gone to a hypnotherpist.  But in the end, still smoke.

I smoke knowing its bad for me like most smokers, Knowing it's too expensive like most smokers, and to the disapproval of my kids, my fiance and myself for that matter..

So, I decided to start taking Chantix again, I'll be 40 yrs old next year and that seems like a tipping point for me.  I really need to quit.

I've been taking Chantix for about 10 days now.  My fiance know I'm tkaing it, but no-one else does.  I'm writing this because I'm restless. I'm still smoking although I don't really have the desire anymore. 

From taking it last time I remember that at some point I just won't give a hit anymore and not feel the desire to smoke. 

People at my work have commented that my mood is different.  One guy said Monday I was a total asshole.  I wasn't getting angry or anything, maybe just disinterested.

I can't describe how I feel right now.  Smoking isn't filling that gap that it's filled for the last 20 years anymore.  I feel restless, mind you even though I am still smoking!  Smoking a cigarette now just doesn't seem to do anything for me.  I'm sure at this point I'm still smoking out of habit that the physical need / want to smoke.  I want to smoke right now, in fact I'm going to go have a cigarette...

So, I smoked...  I fell a little better, but not really.. 

People are really pissing me off inside, every little thing I hate about others is getting to me. 

I've got 2 cigarettes left in my pack.  I feel like I'll buy another pack.  maybe next week I'll quit, or at least try to go a whole day without one. 

More later...